2004-07-16 - 10:53 a.m.

Not Good Day

My car was broken into sometime this past week. Since I don't check up on it regularly, I'm not sure when this happened, but this most certainly has put me in a foul mood. They tried to hotwire the car, but the morons ended up hotwiring the old wires for my amplifier which was stolen along with my car 10 years ago.

I'm sorry, but if you can't hot wire a classic Cougar or Mustang, you should be castrated and not allowed to reproduce. Why? You can easily ask any mechanic how to steal these cars and do so in a short amount of time.

Now I have a busted 1/4 window and more money lost to that. I'm pissed alright.

On other news, I was invited to a friend's live journal. Check it out for a bit. It was interesting, but I saw my ex-girlfriend had left a note there. I actually saw her at the San Francisco Goth Navel Battle. She didn't talk to me ... she never does, and I can't ever be sure if it is because she dislikes me or because the very last thing I told her was that if she cared at all to never talk to me again. I'm thinking it is the dislike part ... but I'm never sure. The signs point to this, because some of her friends treat me like shit. Always have. Our mutual friends are of course polite.

What the hard part is, I think about her at times. Not often. It has been years and I'm not wanting to go back to that relationship at all. But I've realized that she meant a hell of a lot more to me, than I ever did to her. She still talks to my friends, even when I'm standing right there. But she'll pretend like I'm a ghost when I'm right there too.

I just don't understand why she hangs around my friends and will talk to them. She liked them back when we were dating, and rarely sees them. They are great people, so naturally she must see that too. No, my problem is I sometimes wonder if she was dating me not because of me but rather because of the company I keep. I wonder if perhaps she really didn't care about me much at all, but only hung around to be with these other people.

I don't know, and would go crazy trying to second guess this. But it would be nice to know if sometimes she does think about me in a positive light ... if that perhaps her coldness isn't directed at me for who I am, but rather her coldness is a response to the fact that I told her I wanted her out of my life. While it was unrealistic for me to ask that of anybody, the truth is car problems, family craziness ... after my injury (which I can't tell you how much that sucked), my life has really turned around. Getting a bit sad that I don't mean anything to an ex is OK. Not fun and I'm sure I'll never forget her completely ... but the sting of the rudeness of this all gets less and less hurtful over time.

-=-

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