2004-04-30 - 3:44 p.m.

Kicking a Dog While He is Down

My car got out of the shop today. $840. I paid $92+ to have it towed last week.

FUCK.

FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Work has been rough. Everybody wants me to do like everything. Aside from my boss, nobody is really offering to help with work or this damned fucking baby shower for one of my co-workers and best friends.

I'm not in a very happy place and frankly I'm feeling pretty damn hostile towards everybody. They all talk about their problems, and while I complain about mine, I'm getting the feeling they aren't too terribly interested in my problems.

The fault could be mine. I may have alienated everybody, but if more of my co-workers don't start pulling a bit more of the work load, I can easily see myself only sticking around for another year and then moving to the environmental consulting world.

My timing would be pretty good too. Rumor around the office is that the Governor is gonna terminate the Department of Water Resources. We'll be reorganized into a Department of Infrastructure. I wouldn't mind so much, but it just seems like the type of thing where I'll end up working even more for even less.

Did I mention how crappy I feel? $900 sunk into a car that I don't want anymore? A baby shower to plan? A wedding / bachelor party to plan? A home to repair? Birthdays / family shit? A blinky winky computer at home? And then a trip that I'm half planned for. Some of this stuff is my own making ... but the baby shower? Why can't somebody else do it? Like one of the many people who isn't doing anything else? Ditto for the work related stuff. I can't be the only guy here who can do this stuff!

I don't want people telling me this will end. I don't want people feeling sorry for me. I don't want people saying, "Been there dude."

I actually don't want anything, except it really fucking shatters my morale when people are having a party down the hall while I've spent the past few weeks struggling with both my work and personal life.

Well, now that this is partially out of my system, I'm going to literally IGNORE the human race for the next few days. I see NOTHING. I hear NOTHING. I now care about NOTHING.

-=-

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