2004-04-15 - 10:49 a.m.

Soul Mates

I mailed my taxes in on Tuesday night. I'm glad that that headache is over.

I'm still thinking about the club Monday night. I want to thank those of you that messaged me with kind remarks. I shouldn't worry that much about girls and what they may or may not think of me. I think it was the fact that there were so many, and I suspected that a few of them may have been at the very least curious about me.

I'm remember a few years ago when Crimson was flirting with me. I'd sneak a look at her when she was mixed with her friends. She'd sneak a look at me when I was mixed in with my crowd. We both caught the other spying in our direction, but never maid the connection until I saw her at a different club and worked up the courage to talk to her. Emails were exchanged seconds later.

I still wonder what ever happened to her. Though I didn't want to date her at the time (she was still undecided what to do with her life), I've always held out hope that she'd find her direction and that we at the very least could be friends.

This is the thing about me: I like pretty simple things and at times probably act very young. But I also wrap my brain up in plenty of adult / serious thoughts too. While I'm not that worried about age, I don't like to date women whom don't have a direction. There is nothing wrong with not knowing where you want to go and do with your life, but I'm always afraid that my personality is strong enough that I'd start to influence any girlfriend.

As odd as it sounds, part of the reason I keep my distance from but the strongest of personalities is I don't feel that somebody should ever change herself for me. The idea of changing for somebody else repulses me. In a way, I almost believe that people have soul mates. If you change yourself for somebody else, then you've not found your soul mate. Instead you've destroyed yourself.

An extreme view, but it also explains why I like the girls that seem to be restless at the clubs as well. They seem to know who they are and are hunting, instead of just waiting for somebody to find them and change them.

n.p. x marks the pedwalk :: human desolation

-=-

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