2004-03-28 - 10:25 p.m.

Baseball Draft / Horny Bastard

First, I just joined my first fantasy baseball league. We had a draft tonight, but I can't believe it took 3 hours. Oh well, it will be fun to play, as it will keep me update. Since my father and brother are huge baseball fans it will give me more to talk about with them, and I do like hanging with them.

And yeah, I'm horny right now. Not really the type of thing you write in a public diary. But let's just say just because I don't write things, doesn't mean they aren't crossing my dirty mind.

Being human I have tons of fantasies. But being shy, I also am happy to keep them at that. I wish that wasn't the case though. As I'd like nothing more than for some punk or rivet girl to bring me home (my place is out of the question since the drive is too bloody far).

That said, I'm also picky. I shouldn't be, but as my friends point out, it isn't that I'm not a horny bastard. It is that I'm really expecting to see a girl who is kinda like me in many ways. Stompy, bouncy, crazy about music, loves games and comics, not bossy, but also non-passive, but also a self starter and fairly politically motivated. Well that is probably a small sampling, but just like I have tons of hobbies, people can only capture my attention in small bits and pieces.

Actually I don't consider myself a very good catch, precisely because I've pushed a number of women out of my life and keep most of them about arms length away. There are still a few who can find ways around my emotional defenses (and though that weakness in my character drives me mad, the women themselves get massive contour points for putting up with me).

To be honest, I still think about most of my ex's from time to time. I don't know what I'd have to say to most of them, but I am curious about them. I guess I'm really just saying I like to listen to people, and cared enough about them in particular that I want to know that they all are doing well. But I don't want them to know that I feel this way, because I don't want them to know that there is a part of me that cares about them. No way. I don't want anybody to every figure that out. I'm not sure why that frightens me so, but fortunately it keeps my fantasies just that.

-=-

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