2003-10-30 - 12:17 a.m.

This Is Why I'm Twisted

Today a co-worker came by and told me about the $20 flu shots the department was offering. Though I could get the same shots through Kaiser for $10, I?d have to take sick leave in order to get them. My clinic only does the shots on weekdays.

But that wasn't what sold me on the idea. To be honest I hate being sick, and I figured I'd actually never get around to going to Kaiser, and that was what made the extra $10 worth it.

The part that makes me sick is though I'm scared to death of needles (I've nearly passed out several times because of them), I like some types of pain. Arm pain from the needles is good. First, it reminds me of BDSM, which I miss. I want to bottom for somebody again. I want a woman to chain me, strip me, spank me, flog me, and well other stuff (I've cover this another day).

It is for play, and by no means something I wouldn't want to plan out ... but I still have the fantasies.

But the twisted part is the pain in my arms is bearable and less than other places. I still have the pain at times, and I've found that when I'm in pain elsewhere that I don't focus on the old stuff. I actually feel better.

I also think that when I get a shot, that my body is rushing to that area, and a place I don't think about is kinda new to my body. It is an interesting feeling.

Anyways, I can't watch it when I get shots, as I know I will feel really dizzy if I do. But I do feel good afterwards. Maybe another part of it is an "I survived" feeling. I certainly had this same feeling after some nasty canings. I remember being caned to many times that other dommes and subs were staring in awe at my ass. But it felt good when it just STOPPED.

NOTE: I'm not saying I really want to play hardcore again, but at times I do entertain a few fantasies about the stuff. But fantasies aren't reality, as in my fantasies, I'm still in total control. Afterall, I'm dreaming up the story so to speak.

-=-

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