2003-09-13 - 11:52 a.m.

Relationships

Why does it seem that people are always looking for relationships? Though Minmei was interested in me, it is obvious that she was not into me as much as I was into her. In a way, I suspect that she felt that I forced our relationship upon her.

Events last night (which I'll talk about later) had me rethinking that, and I don't see her as nearly mean as I did before. I still think she handled the situation poorly, but her intent was never to hurt me. However, sometimes being truthful to people can make things worse. Especially when you're dealing with somebody's emotions.

But all that said, I still think I did the right thing last night. In part, because I've been on the other side of that. As somebody who cared more for somebody, I am wary about relationships that start with one person having very intense, almost pushy feelings towards the other. They are unequal, and I fear a source for conflict.

Relationships should start out where you constantly feel guilty. But I've been feeling incredibly guilty. I think Stompy of all people noticed this, because she kept pointing out how everybody in our office has had incredibly bad luck lately. When I said that my health has been good for the past month (which for me is a great thing), she didn't take back her words and say, "[Contour], you're right. You do seem happy right now."

I'm not. This relationship drama (two girls in less than a month) and my concern for a few of my friends has me bummed. Also the crap going on in the office where a project manager again changed one of my co-workers results has me pissed. Fortunately every cloud has a silver lining. I've not had to whistleblow yet, because one of Met's engineers (one of my former bosses BTW) is a smart guy and somehow figured out what is going on. Since Met would have to pay for this project, they have been reading between the lines in my reports and are prepared to kill the project. Better yet, they also are putting pressure to reassign me to forecasting work, which I love.

Do I believe in guardian angels? Yes. Do I have a few? Certainly!

n.p. qntal :: qntal

-=-

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