2003-09-09 - 8:56 a.m.

Wild Weather

It is strange to look out my office window in August or September and see rain clouds. I like the wild weather, but at the same time the break in norm for the Northern California weather patterns is matched by the break in the norm of my life.

Last night I wanted to go on a toy run. I was hunting for some WWII small action figures that my brother has been interested in. Usually his taste in cool toys is good. I'm guessing this has to do with the fact that he is very selective in what he wants to collect.

Anyway, I figured I'd take Redwood and MG. Redwood and I used to go on toy runs all the time. But last night was different. I felt as if I was in the way. As if he resented me.

Part of me wonders if our friendship is failing. Perhaps I've let him down, but frankly I don�t know what more I can do. He mentioned several times that I've been harassing him, and while I am guilty of teasing him, I've actually been trying to hold back some of my opinions.

I also don't like being around MG when Redwood is around. Either the two of them are hanging out, which is wonderful, or he is standing there watching me hold her hands. I don't feel comfortable when he is watching or nearby, and this makes me less affectionate. And that isn't fair to her.

I don't know what to do about this, but I know things will not be the same. I'm not going to be able to play a game or go on a toy run and hear the old Redwood laugh. I miss that laugh. Hell, I even miss some of the silly arguments he used to get in.

But at the same time I still value his opinion and would love to spend even a fraction of the time I used to with him, but aside from lunch while at work, I don't see him without others around.

n.p. dead can dance :: into the labyrinth

-=-

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