2003-08-15 - 4:22 p.m.

There Are Times ...

that I really feel unappreciated.

2nd Entry Today

Which means a few of you, especially people that like to see pictures of whom you are reading, should really go back an entry.

Anyway, a few nights ago I had a nightmare about my ex. I've dated (very casually) a few girls since then, but for some reason this one girl stands out as my most serious girlfriend. I guess this is because I felt fairly comfortable around her. But a lot has happened to me since then, and I no longer share any feelings for her. Nor do I feel comfortable around her. I don't.

But the dream really wasn't about her, but focused more on my feelings of regret. I'm rather glad I went through the experience, as when I look back, I realize I've learned a lot about myself through that one relationship. Perhaps this is why it stands out to me. However, I've also found that I can be more remote.

But it amazes me how unappreciated my friends sometimes make me feel. Not always, but when somebody constantly puts you done eventually you just get sick of it. I got sick of the way my ex was treating me and one day something snapped. It was pretty much a, "I don't deserve" this kind of attitude. It was a kind of positive assertiveness.

But at other times I really begin to doubt myself. Lately I feel like I've become fairly negative and spread thin. I suspect that my pain from last weekend (which is starting to go away) comes from stress. I simply must get my second car running and sold, and that pain has been in my mind for some time. I can't do this alone, but it is going to take considerable time and money to just sell the damned thing.

I'm worried about my job. I feel like I'm working very hard to produce tangible results for the outside world to see, and I just don't think anybody cares. I'm sure I channel this frustration to my dick. Interesting that my balls is where my stress ends up, I guess I really have to solve that.

I could explain this more clearly, but I don't feel like it.

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