2003-07-15 - 12:04 a.m.

Never Shop While Horny ... I mean Hungry

This advice should apply to being horny as well. Although perhaps it is better stated that you shouldn't go outside when horny! Not that I've gotten in any sort of trouble, but I've realized that I am incredibly naughty right now. However, I'm also too busy to even act on that feeling.

I'm looking forward to going to the Hanzel und Gretyl show tomorrow night, but I've got to keep my mind focused on something other than girls. 'cause even if I meet one, I'm still not going to have time for doing anything with them. This totally sucks.

So California still doesn't have a budget. The rumor is that as a state employee that I'm going to be paid minimum wage for my August pay check, but I don't see how they can get away with that.

We also now have extended our two year hiring freeze for two more years. The sad thing is my group is losing more engineers and staff, and the few of us that actually work are having to do more and more, while the morons and slackers in our group carry about business as normal. If things don't get better in the next year, I'm seriously considering leaving to work with the consultants that were trying to hire me a few weeks ago.

Oh, I didn't talk about that yet. Somehow I've managed to appear on the scope of a local environmental engineering consulting firm. They really want me to join their firm and took me out to lunch to talk about this a few weeks back. It is really flattering to know that somebody appreciates my work.

Since I've been back from Europe, I've had to go to work every weekend. I feel like such a captive! And the project manager for one of my projects is totally hounding me. Starting tomorrow I'm telling my boss that I'm no longer answering my telephone. It is worse, engineers in my own group working on the same project are asking me STUPID questions every 30 minutes about subject areas that they've got their Ph.D.'s in. I've only got a masters, but in addition to doing my work related to dissolved organic carbon, I'm having to hand hold the resident expert on dissolved oxygen. I know, this probably sounds like the same stuff, but it isn't. But the point really is I'm starting to feel unpaid and over worked.

It is OK when I'm doing interesting stuff for my own work, but lately I'm just feeling like I'm covering too many other people's asses. Many of them are thankful, but I just don't understand why they don't start doing more.

So even if I did meet a girl, it isn't like I'd have time for even a one night stand. OK, I could probably fit one of those in. But even at that, I still am a submissive, which means I usually let the women call the shots. If they strip and tell me to get naked, OK then stuff happens. But the rest of the time I just listen to them talk and pray that they are interesting (though sometimes I find less than interesting girls will just talk and talk and talk).

Speaking of assertive girls, Redwood ran into Crimson a few weeks ago. It turns out that she is now married and living in London. Fuck! She was cute ... and well amazing. But at that time I wasn't looking for a relationship and I think she was. I guess she found one, and actually as much as I found myself very attracted to her, there was also something missing. I think it was that I found it hard to talk with her.

Talking with, not to, a woman is important. It even ranks above a girls pounce factor. A pounce factor is how well a woman takes being tackled or used as a pillow. Some girls have amazing pounce factors, like Grover. There are plenty of others, but let is be known that I do not like fragile chicks. When I find out that they be tough (not that they have to live and die this way), the pounce factor goes up. But a girl with a head on her shoulders is also hella hot.

And yet, both Shells and Grover were incredibly smart. Hell, they were considerably brighter than me, and Grover was just plain evil. Any girl who stripes naked and slides into your bed and can keep you hard all night because she "wants to see how long you'll stay that way" ... yeah, I do wonder what was missing there. In her case, she wasn't over her previous boyfriend, and I wanted to avoid that drama. Damn it, why did I think that, as she actually liked me lots. And Shells was assertive, sexy, and way ... er hot too. But with her it was the vegan thing. I was afraid I?d constantly be worried about making sure she had something to eat. In other words, she was even higher maintained than me. (Not that I'm high maintence, as some girls are smart enough to realize that you hand me a book, comic, or toy, and I'll keep myself out of their way for hours. I just can be asked to stand still, is that a crime.)

Anyway, the conclusion I've come to is I'm picky. That comes with being a bit older. You know what works for you and what doesn't. It isn't that I'm not willing to allow a relationship to change me, but there is IMHO a fine line between assertive and bossy. And even when I'm horny, I back away from women whom are obviously into me, because bossy scares the shit out of me. No thank you, I can just take care of that urge with a fantasy.

n.p. asche :: distorted disco

-=-

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