2003-01-03 - 3:34 p.m.

Out of Place at Goth Clubs

I've always felt out of place at San Francisco's Goth clubs. I've also wondered for nearly two years why my ex and her boyfriends always had a hard time dealing with me, when other people didn't. It isn't that other people don't have issues with me, as there are plenty of other people who do. But there is equally as many who don't.

But it wasn't until NYE that I really started to see what Redwood and Cricket have explained to me dozens of times. While talking with some of the San Francisco kids, Grover was explaining to her friends that the reason I drive 1 hour from Davis to San Francisco is to play. When they asked why I wasn't around more often she went ahead and told them, "[Contour] actually likes to work and puts in long hours. He doesn't have time to always come down and dance."

First, I was flattered to hear this from her. I really did like the sound of it. Even Minmei had pointed this out to many of the regular San Francisco kids before. And I also think it is a large key to why our relationship was DOOMED. Minmei and her boyfriends care a great deal about "the scene" and living the goth life. Jobs are only ways to scrounge up enough money to pay the rent and buy toys with. But I actually walk into work just as worried about trying to finish studies that I hope will one day make some long-term environmental plans turn into reality.

This also explains why I have so little to talk to with many of the locals. They go to clubs several times a week. What do they talk about? Well, exactly what happened the previous week. They literally live for party after party, club after club. Somebody once explained to me, "I don't want to really travel. And why should I? Everything I want to do is here in San Francisco."

While it isn't really my place to judge anybody with that type of attitude, I do. As my diary, I'm also allowed to say things, "That type of thinking is sad. For people who are curious about trying new drugs and different kinds of sex because it might be fun, where is the adventure in not wanting to ever see what Europe, Asia, Africa, or South America are like? What is said if you expect all of your life experiences to come to you?"

That said, I'm going back to Europe this Spring to visit Cricket. And maybe I can find an excuse to visit some other places in the US / Canada. I'm in good health (thankfully). And though I do enjoy work, I also like seeing new places.

LISTENING TO: Grendel End of Ages

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