2002-09-24 - 5:18 p.m.

Dreams of the Dead

Last night I should have gone running, but I wanted to relax some. It seems to be helping, but I still hate being stationary. Instead of just sitting around my apartment, I treated myself to a long warm bath.

Warm baths with bath salts are nice. OK, that may be a girlie thing to think let alone say, but anybody -- male or female -- who does not admit that bath salts are soothing is a big fat liar. If I were a cat I would have been purring when I finally went to bed.

Perhaps it was in my relaxed state that my mind wandered to think about people close to me who were gone. I dreamt about my grandfather (the one I was closest too), and in our dream the two of us wandered around a subdivision in Houston. He liked walking. So do I. I should write my grandmother to tell her this, but she already knows.

He did odd things too. In my dream that translated to him walking into random homes (which in my dream state were missing all their outside walls) and then just helping himself to drinks from people's friges. "But Granddad! You can't just walk in and take whatever you like!"

Letting Go Is Hard

I also dreamed of Minmei last night. This dream followed the normal pattern of her talking to everybody but me and befriending my friends and family. It bothers me so much that to each other we are dead, but that to everybody else she goes on living. It is possible that I bother her as well. I have been tempted lately to peak in her diary, but in Jan. I promised her I would never read her diary again. That promise is easy enough to keep, but it seems that my subconscious mind then recreates scenarios where she can ignore me in my dreams just like she does in private.

When I woke up I realized the connection between both my grandfather and ex-girlfriend is that to me, they are people whom I loved and aren't coming back.

LISTENING TO: P.A.L. Signum

-=-

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