2002-08-23 - 8:07 p.m.

Hypocrisy

Tuesday night I found out through a friend that Minmei had seriously hurt her knee. I also found out that unlike what I tried to convince my... ARGH!

[cat just clawed my back]

myself that she really didn't care when I was really sick. This friend of mine is also a friend of hers, and keeps tabs on both of us. She and Minmei both had assumed that I knew about Minmei's accident. I still don't know the details, other than the fact that she is in physical pain.

The Dilemma

What I'm wrestling with is that I have been incredibly hard on her, and I continue to be resentful that in what I'd call my darkest hour I really didn't get any small note of encouragement from her. I did. Indirectly through Redwood (who continues to talk to her). I ignored it. No, I totally dismissed it.

But the issue isn't that. It now turns out that she has had an accident, and I'm really in her place now. Do I send a note that says, "I hope you get better" or offers some sort of condolence? Or do I just ignore her.

The reason to ignore her is simple, I don't want to open a dialog with her. I honestly don't care if she hates me. There was a time I did, but I just don't care now. I've just been through too much.

The question is what kind of person am I if I don't send her a note when I do actually feel sorry that she hurt her knee. Having had a serious physical injury, the pain is hard to escape and brings its own issues.

I just don't know what to do.

LISTENING TO: the Frozen Autumn Emotional Screening Device

-=-

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