2002-03-15 - 12:34 p.m.

Robotech: Why Didn't I Listen

First, I'm feeling better today. I think the lump is smaller, and instead of pain there my back had the "you slept too long" feeling. I'm still tired, but at the same time I'm entertaining thoughts of going to work on Monday.

So I've been reading the Robotech novels. Basically they are pretty much the American TV series straight up. There are a few bits of dialog added or changed, but nothing has stood out as significant yet. While reading it occurred to me how much I did not respect Rick Hunter for feeling anything for Minmei. She treated him pretty shitty in the cartoon, but in the book the author has gone and done a better job of giving her character more depth.

He felt like an idiot, a complete sucker. Time and again he had convinced himself that Minmei had cared for him.

There was something about her, something flirtatious and impulsive. It was something that didn't want to release anyone who had fallen under her spell because, he supposed, that would be too much like rejection. So every time he had come close to getting over her, she had shown up to raise his hopes all over again.

It is great that most of my friends, and even people I rarely see have been wishing me well. But I couldn't help notice that my own Minmei didn't say anything. Redwood did tell me that she emailed him expressing some concern over me. And although I have asked her to never talk to me again (for the above reason � I don't ever want my hopes raised again), I can't help but think that if she ever really wanted me to believe that she cared for somebody other than her self, when somebody is very ill is a good time to do something. She didn't.

Redwood would remind me that I've not given her any choice. I don't believe so, she could have figured that if something was important to me and if I was in pain, that a peace offering would have been good. But she didn't. That is OK, and it doesn't make her a terrible person. But it does make it clear to me that she really was my Minmei. She was a fun, but self absorbed little girl. And I was so lost in that fun, that I mistook her friendship with me as something more.

Now pulling from the same source, if � when I find myself looking at a relationship again I'm going to make sure it is with somebody who can actually appreciate a relationship. I'm a bit mad, but I'm not exactly sure why. Mostly because if I heard that she was physically ill I would have done something. But I'm glad she didn't, as it will make things easier when I do see her again to ignore her. Not ignore, but I won't see her as anybody other than Minmei for a long time.

Ha, a sign to let you know I'm getting better, look �

LISTENING TO: Dulce Liquido Disolucion

-=-

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