2002-02-03 - 4:50 p.m.

Closure?

OK, I'm now neck deep in my NYE resolution. Just load my guest book with complaints for lying to you.

Thursday when I decided to talk to my ex (based on some of the gifts and notes she has been sending me), her walking out on me was one of the last things I expected her to do. :( It hurt, no it really hurt.

But after taking with Redwood and Shells, I'm feeling a bit better. This morning I sent her a short email asking her to not send me any more notes or mail, except to consider giving me space at the clubs. She has two, possibly three boyfriends now, and it has hurt me for the past several months see her out nearly every time I go out and being very affectionate with them.

Why? Because I wanted her to publicly display her feelings for me when we were going out. But she wasn't interested or comfortable about doing that. And she has that right. But I also have the right to want somebody to show that sort of affection for me in public (especially when they are comfortable about doing it for so many other people).

Shells said something that rings truer than anything anybody else has told me, I need somebody to be there for me to focus on. Somebody who will be there for me when I need them, and after a short time of me thinking about her, I won't really care who my ex is with or what they are doing in front of me.

I'm hoping that if I ignore my ex, and if she helps me (she really does care for me on some level) by spending time with her boyfriends not at the clubs, that in a few months I will meet somebody whom will treat me right. Closure is so important in the ending of any relationship.

Movies

I finally watched Shrek. The film was fun, but I wouldn't go as far as Bronco has in saying it is one of the best film's I've ever seen. I'd leave it at fun, and worth watching once. But that could be because I'm more drawn to movies where there is a social injustice, based on something more than "you're funny smelling".

LISTENING TO: Sophya The Age of Sophya

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