2001-12-16 - 10:47 p.m.

Transsexual

I don�t have a problem with transsexuals or people�s sexual preferences at all. I consider myself straight; though to date I�ve frenched 3 guys. OK, one of those guys just leaned me over and started kissing me.

My response all three times was slightly different: the first guy had a beard � ewwwww. I shaved mine shortly after that. The second guy (my ex�s other boyfriend) also had a beard and smoked like a fucking chimney and had unpleasant breath) � ewwwww. The last guy was the guy my ex later dumped me for (I was kissing him on a bet). I�ve decided my ex has a very different taste in kissing than I do, because I�d sooner kiss the guys with the beards (who knew what they were doing).

Actually it was utterly tactless for my ex to tell me that two of these guys were better kissers than me. That is just one step from saying, �Hey that guy over there is a better fucker than you.� Naturally she never apologized for that. Why should she? In her world there is nothing wrong with that.

And she wonders why I hate her?

Male Woman Breasts

It doesn�t matter how people who are born male get breasts, but on Saturday night there was this transsexual who has been going to the g/i clubs for about 2 years who decided to take off his shirt. Of course, when a guy without breasts (say me) takes off his shirt, it is not considered distruptive (fortunately I don�t have the belly of a 30th year old). If I woman does, it depends on the club. Fetish clubs get away with this all the time. Industrial clubs don�t. Most of the San Francisco rivet-heads are actually extremely conservative. In fact, many of them look down on the fetish rivet-goths like myself. :/

But this guy seemed to upset a number of people, because security was asked to talk to him. Everybody was talking about it. And though I like to consider myself open-minded, it bugged me too.

Why?

For the same exact reason the Grope-Girl bugs the hell out of me. He was desperate. He was playing with his breasts earlier in the night. Then he was freak dancing with a goth kid. Basically I wasn�t surprised when he took of his shirt and started playing with himself, and that is largely what bothers me. He was predictable.

I wasn�t surprised that after security had him put his shirt back on, that he flopped his nipples out of the shirt and played with them.

This didn�t spoil the fun time I was having at the club. But the 2 AM appearance of Spring with Mixer (he is the DJ she left me for) did. She told me in October that he isn�t her boyfriend. Well, they are everywhere I am and people gush at how cute a couple they make. People have been asking me what happened to her other boyfriend. He never liked clubbing. Basically she is just a spoiled little girl who wants a boyfriend to make out with in the clubs (DJs are good for this) and another boyfriend to hide from her family and herself from at the other times.

I am bitter, but I�m still upset. Basically I left nearly in the point of tears. When they were coming in, I quickly pushed some people aside whispering, �Excuse me, I�ve lost my coat.� I don�t think she or Mixer even knew I was there, as I collected my coat and snuck out.

I don�t want her to know that I still haven�t gotten over her completely.

LISTENING TO: Death In June Rose Clouds of Holocaust

-=-

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