2001-09-07 - 8:53 a.m.

Dissertation Defense

It isn't my PhD that is on the line today, but Cricket's. Last night when I got home she was pretty stressed. The great thing about Cricket is when she is super stressed, see will tell you. Over and over again.

So I rested for a few minutes before jumping in my car to run errands. I brought back a pizza and Sudwerk's beer hoping that would cheer her up, but it didn't.

Anyway, my thoughts are with her today. I know she'll do fine (she was practicing all night).

Dumped

It wasn't me this time, but Shells' boyfriend dumped her last night. I wanted to call her, but I didn't know what to say. Sure, it really hurts to be dumped by somebody you love.

In fact, it hurts to know you love somebody who really doesn't return your feelings. That goes without say, as most of us that either loved somebody more than they care for us, or we just didn't share the feelings somebody help for us.

There is a romantic in me, and he would like nothing more than to be able to hold somebody and talk about things like life, the moon, travel, art, literature, etc. To know that you were missed while you were gone and that for if but a moment nobody else but you and your lover matter. While I've had friends with whom I could do that, none of my relationships really got to that point. I really haven't experienced love. I've either been on the given or the recieving, but never at the same time.

People have debated what love is. To me it is that feeling you have that when somebody is away you want them near you. And to accept this love is to actually tell them and others. That sometimes doing something together can be just sitting and staring in each other's eyes.

I think it is a good thing to feel this for somebody. This is why I feel so sad for Shells right now, because I know what it is like to not have somebody you care about return your love.

I'll just think of what we can do that will cheer her up. It is funny that just yesterday I was trying to be distant from her (but I really wasn't talking about her alone, as right now I am very warry of somebody else ... in fact, I dare say I'm afraid of this person now), and yet now I want to be there for her. I don't feel love for her, but I do care about her feelings.

-=-

<< previous - next >>