2001-09-04 - 12:18 a.m.

Cricket Is Back!

Though she is keeping me pretty busy (I just finished installing MS Office for her PhD work on my machine), she came back at the right time. We've had Thai food two nights in a row! :) Of course, she likes Thai, but tonight's food was great. In fact, I didn't have any problems eating it.

Choking

Tonight was the first time I didn't choke on spicy food too! Yeah!

Cricket is sleeping, but today I got a chair for her from Cloud and Bronco. Then Redwood and Kat joined the four of us for dinner. Naturally our desert came in the form of CD shopping! :)

I feel a little bad that I don't share any of Kat's musical tastes, but she really likes something that never appealed to me. There is nothing wrong with that, but I want to include her in the things we do as a group.

Butt

My butt still hurts. The blows from the wood were far deeper than I've ever experienced with fiberglass. If I quickly sit somewhere it hurts. I guess it is true that fair skinned people bruise easily.

Confusion

I have half a mind to wake up Cricket right now and borrow her shoulder, because of something said and something else done. I need Cricket's clarity of thought (which comes from being a 30-something).

I knew it would happen again, and I'm not surprised by its timing. I'm taking it as a sign to move on, but I'm still disappointed.

I need a friend to talk to ... but at the same time I don't want to say exactly what is bothering me to anybody save maybe a therapist.

I'm confused, and hurt. So I'll just sleep on it and see what tomorrow brings.

Is this serious? No, because it is something I did talk to my therapist months ago about. So I do feel good that I can follow her advice from months ago again today.

I'm still sad, but if I'm calm I'll be able to see things more clearly. Besides, helping Cricket this week is my big focus.

Hell, Cricket has been talking about Europe so much that I really want to visit her next May for a huge 4-day gothic music festival in Germany. She also planted this evil seed in my head about all the live shows there, friendly people, and finally need for engineering PhD students. I don't know if I really want a PhD or if I just don't want to move to Europe for a few years.

Part of me is tempted to at least investigate it, but another part doesn't want to leave California. This is because I've worked hard to build both a life and friendships here. I know my friends will still be here, but I'd miss them if I went. Besides, if Redwood, Bronco, and Cloud weren't around to keep me from doing stupid things like accidently setting myself on fire, who would look after me?

-=-

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