2001-07-11 - 1:09 p.m.

All Good Dogs Go To Heaven

Well, it finally happened. Stompy's dog of 14 years passed away last night. For the past 70 days she has been driving to work and parking in her boyfriend's parking place near the capital (he is a lawyer, though a cool one ... he fights for homeless people and in favor of rent control) so that for lunch she could drive home to feed and take care of her old puppy.

I don't know why, but I like older animals. I've never cared for puppies or kittens proper. They are so full of life, but somehow I like an animal that has been around. As a graduate student the woman two doors down from my folk's passed away leaving her cat behind. I tried to adopt the cat, but he was very afraid of people. It took about 4 weeks of me reading in his backyard (the house itself was empty for 6 months) before he would come up and sit at my feet. But he never left that backyard and I was never able to take him home.

Still, the cat eventually developed an affection for me, because he wouldn't go near anybody else.

I feel very sad for Stompy. Her puppy was the only surviving thing from her marriage. Basically her husband cheated on her with some other woman which lead to their divorce. She doesn't talk about it much, and it still troubles her today. Being a single person makes having a pet all the more important. And Stompy is so much a dog person ... she loves to go for long walks (hence the name). Hell, she bought a station wagon so her dog could ride with her.

So How Do I Feel

Well I hardly knew the dog, so while I'm a touch sad (which I'm already depressed) this isn't going to change things much for me. But I just don't know how to be there for Stompy. I don't want to be too intrusive, yet I want her to know she can talk to me. That dog was symbolic of her marriage and love for her ex, whom we have talked about. She says she still loves him, but he hurt her.

I don't like seeing her upset, but her dog has been sick for such a long time, that it is better that he died instead of her having to put him to sleep. I just don't think I could make that decision.

Shake the Disease

I woke up this morning around 6 AM with Depeche Mode's "Shake the Disease" in my head. Funny things: (1) I refuse to listen to Depeche Mode at home ... it is always too mopey, even though I love their music, and (2) I don't own the CDs with this song. So this morning I was kinda humming the intro to the song for Redwood (BTW he got back Tuesday and I'm so happy ... I hadn't realized how important having him around was) but I was a bit embarassed so I didn't actually sing it. He thought I was stuck with their "Leave In Silence", but nah.

It is funny. "Shake the Disease" I liked long before I really comprehended the lyrics. It reminds me how Funker Vogt's "A Dream" has strong emotional attachment for me. Someday I'll feel comfortable about explaining why both songs make me want to water my eyes. ;) But it is funny how what are love songs can really hit me before I actually hear the lyrics. It isn't just about the mechanics of the song, I seriously believe that I am much more careful at listening that I give myself credit.

Music Critic

So Shells and I have been going back and forth talking about some albums and music. It is nice to share opinions with a music major and musician. She understands both the art and the mechanics involved. She also has a strong political sense (liberal thankfully) that I really admire. She also seems to see straight through me.

In a way I'm afraid to bring up my opinions on music around her. In part it is because we've spent so little real time with each other. That and after my last failed friendship I'm pretty gunshy. Normally I would have invited her to read my diary, but I'm just focusing on baby steps right now and told her this. Hell, normally I love to talk about dreams and other things, but I just am not ready to share 1:1 with anybody right now.

But she makes me feel like a music baby. Oh, I know DJs and typically they understand the "history" of music, but many of them miss the meaning. And drunk DJs are not fun to be around at all ... they can be assholes at worst or simply uncomfortable to be around at best. So when talking music around Shells, I'm remembering to stick to what it means to mean. But I'm learning a hell of a lot too!

I can't wait to take some time from work to see her next week! :) I was saving all this vacation time, but those plans just were never made, so when Shells invited me to her place I jumped at the chance!

Work

Wow! I just got an email compliament. It feels nice. I work my ass off around here and I like it when people appriecate that (and of course follow some of my suggestions).

The suggestion came from an engineer in another office. Apparently when my first boss was about to bust me out of the state service, and I transfered to work under Stompy, this same engineer emailed her and told her that I should pass probation as I'd eventually do some good things.

My big problem at work is I'm still a touch too idealistic. The issue is that I'm surrounded by talent, but much of it is wasted, because I've found talented people often think only of themselves. For example, one of my office mates hardly works at all! He is bright, but lazy. :/

-=-

<< previous - next >>