2001-07-06 - 10:18 a.m.

Brats, Why?

I'm not sure why, but some switches seem to like brats. I understand that most of that is teasing, and I love to be teased just as much as I love to tease people. I guess this is because I believe that a good sense of humour is a must.

Whether you are at work, with friends, having sex, or in the middle of a BDSM scene (which I'm starting to think really is that much better when mixed with sex), having a sense of humour is a must.

The night before the 4th I went to the Haight to hang out at a bar with a bunch of the SF goths. My domme met me there. After a while we both left to go to another bar / club (it is not a dance club, and nothing more than a bar really), but we quickly left because there was a sexual predator guy there.

Apparently my domme didn't tell me the full story other than the fact that he and a few other guys in the SF BDSM scene prey on newbies. She did not want to talk about it, but I did ask her to point any predators she knows of and keep them away from me. Being a male submissive means that the chances of them coming after me is somewhat less than the female submissives, dommes, and switches. But there still is a risk.

Submissive

Some people use different words to describe what they are to the BDSM scene. I've not talked directly about this, in large part because I've actually not been convinced of what my needs / desires are. I like the idea of switching, but when you have dommes, switches, and even submissives switching on you, it kinda says something.

I don't like to call myself a bottom. I consider that only a small part of what I do. To me to bottom is to play the more passive role and to be the one to respond, not intitate. But I actually have found that my own perferences are more specific than that.

I love bondage. My domme ended up tying up my wrists in an elaborate knot and I had my hands over my head so she could have full access to my front and back. Apparently when she says, "Get comfortable" she is really saying "take off all your clothes". ;)

Spring once had slapped me in her restraints and had me tied to a chair. And my first scene involved being tied naked to a wall, where I was teased and flogged.

Restraints are really a must for me. And I love the symbolism involved in wearing a slave collar.

Domintation

Another aspect I love in scenes is where there is discplining involved. It doesn't have to be just a beating, but a quick blow every now and then to remind me who is in charge is a real turn on. Yeah, when you're naked you can't hide these things. Fortunately my dommes aren't upset about me getting hard ons.

But this is where brats come in ... personally I think there is being bratty, and then there is playing a brat. During a scene, you are bratty until you are hurting. In fact, I have one submissive who wants to switch with me who said she actually wanted to build a scene specifically around starting out with me being bratty.

But as much as I like bratty inside scenes, it can become overbearing when I have to deal with people that are always that way. It approaches that "I'm always right" thing that bugs me. I guess I'm saying I respect people a whole lot more when they publically admit they are wrong. Conversely, I loose respect for people who when everybody knows they are wrong, keep driving people down a wrong path in order to be cute or bratty. I especially hate this when they are doing it because they frankly don't care about other people. It enters the world of selfishness.

Missing Redwood

About the least selfish person I know is Redwood. He has only been gone about a week, but you know, I miss him. Actually he isn't the only person I miss. Cricket is so far away and I hardly ever hear from Spring anymore (she did drive me to the South Bay Spooky House). But Redwood is my best friend, somebody I talk to most everyday!

That means so much to me. It isn't that I can't be alone. In fact, I rarely go to parties or clubs. I spend just about every evening alone. But there is a closeness and fondness I develop for open minded people whom I talk to a lot.

Fortunately Redwood has been updating his diary frequently. He doesn't know how important that is to me, but it is! (Of course he'll find out now.) :)

In a way, I kinda want to be there with him too. I guess that is what being best friends is about. You want to spend time with somebody and when they are gone, you miss them. And then you make an effort to talk to them. Which means I need to get off my butt and find that silly rivet!

I know it will be hard to move into a new job *fingers crossed* and not have Redwood there. But I've got to move to the Bay Area. Heck, Shells and I are already talking about hanging out more.

Shells

I'll be hanging out with her at the Deathline International show tonight. She is a sweety! She has been emailing or calling a lot right now. Last weekend she gave me one of her CDs, and I really liked it. One of the things she has half suggested is that if I'm serious about making music to do it. It is nice to know there is somebody whom can teach me more about it.

I guess I just am pretty damn happy right now that we are getting along so great. But I'm cautious too. Damn, that sounded like a school boy crush. ;)

Fortunately I'm really still neverous about that job. I didn't get the first one. Though it wasn't designed for me and this next one will be, the disappoint comes from two things that people refuse to understand. First, it is nice to know that you are important enough to people to get the offer. Not come in second or third place, but for somebody to say, "Hey we want you." It is flattery and there are times when it is nice.

Second (the important reason), I want to know if I need to find that home in the Bay Area or not. I want to move down there. Most of my friends (not all) are down there. I know that I'll drive back up here to see Redwood. Few of my Bay Area friends enjoy coming up to Davis. :( And Redwood will have a standing invite to crash at my place any time he wants! Hell, he'll get a key to my next home. But I just want to find out sooner rather than later.

Report finished

I did finally finish the report that I've been working on forever! Did that yesterday. It ended up being around a 36 page environmental report. Actually I think it is a damn good report. Far better than the "look at my graph" reports that a few of the engineers do around here. Time series data is often very meaningless. Part of being an engineer is looking at a problem (in our case data) and finding a solution (not a graph, but a few solid statements). Why do some of my co-workers not understand this?

Yeah, I know I talk about work a lot. When you take a job that is 40-60 hours a week, and don't spend your life only in the company of people you choose to be with, you'll talk about them. When you are a student you can choose who you'll hang out with, so if somebody bugs you, you leave them alone. At work you have to deal with annoying people whom outside of work you normally wouldn't have anything else in common with. This is why I focus on work so much. I never talked much about school, because it just wasn't like I had to review other people's papers or work. Much less carry their load.

-=-

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