2001-03-09 - 13:44:45

Interesting, many internet sites are down this morning. I also noticed that diaryland is now offering additional services for a few. I don't know if I want to pay for this diary. But it is really nice to have.

There are several things on my mind and I am starting to stress. Oddly the sex thing isn't one.

First, I have been given a high profile environmental study that effects another water provider (the company that provides water for my parents). They have some data I need and are working to get it to me, but now they are also suggesting how I should run my studies. This doesn't bother me, but the fact that I sent a simple request to a mid level engineer and now the highest engineers for them and my office are now posturing ... bleah, I hate this political stuff. Nobody is listening to the other side really, and the truth is if they give me the data and time I could potentially make everybody happy.

Oddly if this study ends up in court (there is a small chance) I couldn't even testify as I don't have my license yet. I was so close to passing the stupid seismic exam, and I have a new book to help me this next time, but my fucking apartment managers have it in their office and are never around.

Once I pass that exam I really have to decide if I want to stay out here or look for another job. I vacillate on this ... something makes me think in a way I'd be less happy in the Bay Area (but I don't really feel comfortable about talking about this).

Ha, I am going to talk about sex anyways. I'm still obsessed about it, but only because I was thinking about things I used to do last year. I've become vallina and I feel like I'm in several vallina relationships. "It can wait." This isn't what I care to hear at all. This sounds like people basically saying they want me around for a long term thing or as that sugardaddy, so they won't risk doing fun and crazy things.

I remember a time last year when I was getting a hand job while driving down I-80 at around 90 mph. I also remember running around naked in a park, and plenty of sexual attention. I miss that.

It isn't anybody's fault but my own, but I can say that I responded favorably to it before and I will again.

What brought this up? Just the fact that I've noticed the women around me being more emotionally attached and certainly less physically assertive.

Again, that is fine. But I'll make an example out of Cricket. I started off physically interested in her, but after a while nothing came of this relationship. Now I really only see her as a friend and I just don't see the possibility of a physical relationship there. In a way, when the women around me show no interest, they become less physically attractive and to me they enter that "sister" or "friend" category. And I am very worried that I'm starting to see several people close to me in this same way.

Will I stop hanging out with them? No, I had a blast with Cricket and wish she was still down here.

But I do see a very vallina behavior around these other people and I just see myself activitly hanging with other women when I want sex and giving them little attention.

-=-

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