2001-02-24 - 21:52:53

Sometimes people say things or forget things and it hurts. But what I really hate is when people underestimate me or misrepresent me or my feelings.

Everybody needs support at times, and there are people I can turn to for it. There are others who I don't turn to, and they freely give it. Why do I then get hurt when I turn to others and instead of giving it, they focus more on their own needs? I guess the people you should be closest to are the ones that often put your needs above their own (mental or phsyical). And the ones that more often make a habbit of putting their needs higher, can still be friends, but I like a bit of space in these relationships.

I haven't masturbated or had sex since Valentines Day. Why? In part so that I'll get comfortable enough to orgasm with my partner. I'm very tempted to throw away all the work (waiting and holding off) so far and see if it is a comfort thing. It seems like I'm the only person who will benefit from this, so ... I certainly feel very alone at times. Well, not true. Grover keeps reminding me, but also showing an interest. Enough of one that I still feel attractive. She was kind enough to call twice before leaving this weekend to wish me luck on my presentation. =)

It is hard to explain what I'm going through right now. If you have actually tried to not have sex or masturbate when you wanted to for several weeks, then maybe you'll understand.

Fortunately I will be gone from Monday through next Friday, attending a huge work conference. I'll be out of communication and frankly this is a good thing right now. There are some people I really don't feel like facing or talking to (Grover isn't one ... I do want to hang with her some more, her phone call meant a lot).

It is funny, but the more a woman pays attention to me, the more likely I am to give it back. And the more a woman just ignores me or focuses on herself, the more space I tend to give. I believe it is because I like to be pursued a bit.

-=-

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