2000-11-22 - 12:03:34

Names, I want to talk about the names I give people.

I was thinking about Spring and how mad she is. I understand some of it, but not all. She still is way out of line calling me a brat. There just are more sensitive ways to express frustration. The fact that she continues to do this just really makes me wonder why she did this.

And I recognized one of the problems: names. She reads my diary (I'm certain she still does, I read hers). She probably noticed something I didn't, that thus far her boyfriend has been named just as such.

That is very inpersonal on my part. But there are a few reasons. One, when I name somebody I pick a name that fits them. I have to know people to name them, and I really don't know him much. I know what he does and means to Spring, but that is about it. Two, I don't like to give people names that might upset them if I later ask them to read my diary.

Who is Firebug? In the Mid-West in the summer there are these tiny funny bugs who's butts glow that come out at dusk. They are called fireflies. Firebug is a fireman, he is from Maryland, he is funny, and he has that, "I'll wiggle my butt in front of anybody if I feel like it" quality. Fireflies are cool, and so is Firebug.

Who is Redwood? He named himself. He is tall and my best friend. The name fits. He is strong, both in reason and emotion. He isn't callous (which people who are unemotional are), and he isn't prone to panicing or hyper activity. He is supporting, and frankly a hell of lot more intelligent than anybody I know. Period.

Who is Big Red? Well I lifted this name from Spring. I'm only beginning to meet her. I like her though. I think of everybody I know, the two of us actually have the most in common with music. She also seems very sensitive (I noticed she likes small animals). I've watched her shop and let other people get stuff that she wanted. She didn't complain, even though I think it hurt her a bit. I tried to help her shop ... basically she just is the type of person you want to protect and also go to if you're hurting. A healer.

Who is Cricket? Well, she got her name because she makes this cool cricket noise when bored. She also loves tiny things ... robots or insects. She notices small details too. It figures, since she is a high powered solid state physicist and machinist roled into one. I met her this summer and as I've said before consider her an affectionate friend. Somebody that I can tell stuff, and I don't have to be worried. Cricket doesn't tell me I'm yelling or screaming (which I don't raise my voice to people anyways ... I hate that). She is even, and yet playful. And gives the world's best backrubs ... not to mention has a wonderful back on which to give rubs.

Who is Stompie? That is my boss. I want to point out that at first I didn't give her a name. She was just "my boss". Sounded impersonal, huh? It wasn't meant to be. It took me a while to figure out a good name for her that I figured she'd be honored by if I told her. Stompie always takes a friendly interest in my music and life. She is a boss, but also a friend. She hikes, and I just know that of everybody I know, if she wanted to stomp to music, she could kick our asses collectively. She was into martial arts ... so physically she is in great shape.

Who is Steelhead? My officemate. I don't talk about him much, because he is somebody I interact with because we work together. Everybody else I'd like to spend more time with.

Who is Tidal? A co-worker. Also a crazy professor type. He doesn't have his PhD yet, but he should. He just forgets things often. And steals pens from my desk.

Who is Bronco? Another co-worker. She lives across from my kitchen window. She and her husband are like older sister and brothers to me. They take care of me, I seem to need a lot of that. Bronco is a huge football fan. She is pretty tacky too! :) She wears multi colored fingernail polish and is very sparky. She just always makes people feel special and wonderful.

Who is Spring? Well I saved her for last because it was her idea that I start this journal. She means a lot of things to me. I've told you all this before and even told her, but COMMUNICATION (positive communication) is important, so I'll list out why I like her ... but her name comes from the fact that she is so full of life, she bounces more than I do, has more energy than most everybody (well, Cricket and I are probably exceptions ... we have that Pennsylvania Power that nobody is supposed to know about), she is emotional having ups and downs, and like a mechanical spring supports people by insulating them from the bumps of life.

I don't pick a name for a person unless it has special meaning. Just because somebody doesn't have a name should not mean anything other than I need to get to know them better.

So I listed Spring last, because she is dear to me. Way more than a friend. Somebody I feel safe around. Well, not always ... I let my guard down around her and she seems to make mistakes and then is slow to apologize. I want to give her every chance, and I will continue to.

So why do I like her: she is kind without reason ... not wanting things in return, she is creative ... I like to think I am, but compared to Spring nobody else can match her, she is a role model to me: I try to put asside my fears, I also try to be open minded like she is, I let my youth capture me, as it has a hold on her. It is funny that I look to a 22 year old woman as a role model. She isn't the only one, yesterday I mentioned that Tidal is another role model. In fact, everybody I've mentioned here I like to take their best qualities and build those in me.

Spring, is emotional. This is not a bad thing, in fact I think she can relate to me more.

She is a bit of a punk and individual. She will push people when she thinks they are denying themselves something. She is a self starter, she doesn't need somebody to tell her to do things. Actually this is going to sound silly, but she reminds me of my dad. OK, I have some serious issues with him, and Spring carries a few of those qualities too (Spring hates to be wrong, and is slow to admit this ... my dad is terrible about this). Thankfully Spring is right about many things (as is my dad).

I call my dad "the plant", because if it is sunlight outside, he is working. Spring takes on special projects, like I was to her, and works on them. She doesn't give up. I have a fear of water. She doesn't know just how hard it was for me to learn to really swim with her (I've probably forgotten) ... it is hard, I don't like water at all (rain is OK though). Ditto for ice skating. She just pushed me too far ... I can't perform in front of people. I felt selfish and like a rock. But she thought I wasn't looking good and not having fun, so she tries so hard to teach.

She is a teacher, though she won't admit it. Having taught classes and having a mom who is a teacher, I recongize the quality. She has it in her and I bet in about ten years from now that is exactly what she'll do. Not little kids, but I see her working with high school students. Well I'm guessing the high school part, but this is a good thing.

Anyway, there is more ... but my original point was to point out an oversight on my part. Her boyfriend does have a name and I think of him just by his real name. I won't list it here. I could borrow Spring's nickname for him, but that is hers, not mine. I really want him to be a part of my life ... I've made efforts to talk to him and learn about him, but I feel uncomfortable.

He is a nurse (and from the little he has talked about it to me, I think he is a good one too). He does strike me as pretty solid in his opinions, this is both good and bad. He without a doubt cares about Spring. And he is a dancer. He dresses far better than any guy I know. And he knows music. I'd like to call him something like "Fancy", but he also strikes me as stuck in the masculine role. I don't think he'd appreciate it if I associated him with neat appearances, but I do.

More later ...

-=-

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