2000-11-21 - 22:50:12

Currently I'm taking the fourth of my engineering exams. This is the take home (legal) exam. It isn't hard, but it isn't easy either.

Yup, the exam that keeps on giving.

What sucks is I'm pretty sure I'll have to take the exams again. But this is normal.

Well Stompie recongized something bugging me yesterday and I gave her the short story. So today she brought in a donut for me. I really want to talk to her. She was married and then divorced, and from what she has hinted I think I can learn a lot from her. She loved her husband, and even put him through grad school at Berekely, but still just was worn out.

Right before lunch a Federal Govt engineer called me for technical support. That _is_ my job. This guy is nice, but honestly dense. He doesn't really understand "tabs" and "panes". The good news is he'll justify my working on documentation until 2002. I now have to go through and get a screen capture of every single step in the process. This is not a bad idea really, but makes for one huge web page. I'll talk to Stompie about this tomorrow as a lead in to get the more personal advice.

Redwood also phoned last night, on his cell phone. He reminded me that this sort of thing is exactly when I should call him. I should have.

I want to talk to him about a few other things too.

So my play group might have a play party on my birthday! I need something just like that. A place were folks are friendly, and my play group is very good about giving birthday attention. :) But there is a small chance that they'll move the date to another day.

I feel like I'm coming out. At lunch I told Tidal and Bronco that I'm a bit depressed because a girl I have a relationship with and I are going through problems. I explained that it is an open relationship and that she has a boyfriend. Bronco was quiet ... I wonder if I shocked her. But Tidal kept saying "I could never do that."

This made me feel a bit better. Spring has been very harsh on my "open mindedness" lately. But Tidal is a Doctoral student in Engineering at Berkeley. He got his first degree at Berkeley in Economics. Went to Hong Kong to translate legal and international politics journals. He got bored, so he went to MIT to study Engineering.

Most engineers can't do what he did, swoop in from no where. Now he has one BS in Economics from a great school, one MS in Civil Engineering from MIT, another MS from Berkeley in applied Math, and soon a PhD. My point is that he is not only smart, but very diverse.

OK, sometimes he is __not__ sensitive. In fact, while he is outgoing, he is careless around some people's feelings. But he also is very liberal. He got to work, forgot to vote, so he took vacation just to vote for Gore. He was that worried that Bush would win.

And in other talks he generally leans "left". In fact, when he was a teen ager in the 80s he was a punk. Now today he is still a musician (his dad was, so he plays a trombone in a Salsa band), he just laughes at my EBM and Industrial. But I've seen him walk over when I have any Gary Numan or Bauhaus out. In fact we've talked about them.

He said he couldn't handle an open relationship. When I told him that I consider Cricket an affectionate friend, and somebody who I'd feel perfectly comfortable falling asleep in her lap or using her shoulder to cry on, he said he could never handle seeing his girlfriend (they aren't married, but have been domestic partners for years) doing this with another guy that it would be a "serious" issue.

I don't like it when my open mind is questioned. Today was good. I found somebody I respect, who treats me nicely, and who I consider a role model point out that I am going places he can't.

I don't like being told I'm emotionally weak either. Same thing again. Yes, I put myself through this. Why? The reward is worth it.

I like the company of many friends. If I felt comfortably sexually I'd explore that too. But I'm afraid I don't know how to please people. Especially when there isn't an emotional basis ... then the act is more physical and I couldn't turn a woman on even if I had help.

-=-

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