2000-11-20 - 16:37:43

It is funny. At work we have a procedure of putting up notices on our doors when we'll be on vacation for a few days.

They are small blue slips of paper that say exact when we will be gone.

We also have a program called Meeting Maker on which we duplicate this information.

But it never fails. Whenever Redwood or Steelhead are out for a day, people come in the office, don't look at the door and ask "Where is __?" I'm tired of saying, "He is out and will be back on X."

Now I get up, walk to the door, and "Say, I think he will be back on X." While pointing to the paper. I'm still polite toned, but I'm hoping they will watch my hands.

My officemates claim the same thing happens for me too. I go away for a day, and people stream on in. Heaven forbid we actually have a life.

Speaking of that, I had a good phone talk with my brother. I told him about my poly relationship and asked him to keep it a secret. He is very open minded, even though his advise goes against my heart. He is being protective.

I also emailed my mom to let her know that I'll be home alone for the holidays, but that I'll be mopey and probably not in a good mood. My mom never got to really meet Spring, so I really don't want to talk about this at all when I'm home.

Her reply email was really nice though ... I am hard on my family. In fact, most goths seem to be. It is somehow "cool" to be bitter about your parents when they have very different value systems. My folks pretty much wouldn't tolerate my appearance now when I was younger.

But now that my grandfather is dying, I think I'm appreciating my folks more. There are lots of things I can't understand or talk to them about. But I'm afraid of losing them. For a selfish reason ... I realized at lunch today that my menu looked like this:

Friday night: hamburger, Saturday morning: 1 bagel, Saturday dinner: Vietnamese Chicken dish, Sunday: 1 bagel. Mixed with lots of tea. I'm bought lunch and I'll eat it all. But I need to go home this weekend.

I talked about safe places, and my apartment isn't one. And my folks home isn't one either. But by talking to my brother and mother, nobody will ask me anything and they will at least be there for me to just watch.

-=-

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