2003-05-02 - 10:55 a.m.

Some Days I Feel Like A Puppy!

A few months ago they removed the center urinal from the men's room here at work. No big deal. Had they chosen either of the end urinals it would have been serious drama. Why? Well, guys talk about this all the time, but still I'm shocked when women are unfamiliar with the Rule of Urinals.

I'll illustrate with a few examples. Suppose you walk into a restroom and need to pee. Urinals are marked by a U. People are marked by a X. Empty stalls are marked by a e. Where do you go? The answer is show as a Y.

Example 1
U U U
X e Y

Example 2
U U U
Y e X

Example 3
U U U
X Y X

Example 4
U U U or U U U
Y e e�or�e e�Y

OK, there are more rules than that. But the point is, the middle urinal is usually off limits. So it wasn't a big deal that they removed it. But then we got an email saying a new low flow urinal was going to replace it.

It turns out that the low flow urinal is a no flow urinal. Right, there is nothing to flush. It is like peeing in a broken sink or maybe like just peeing on a fire hydrant (not that I've ever done either of these things).

But strangely enough, I've found myself curious about this new no flow urinal. In fact, I feel like I'm a deviant when I use it. Since I constantly test as a counter-phobic personality (these are people that openly challenge authority and rules), I feel like I'm breaking all the rules by peeing in the no flow urinal. So now I'm adding Contour's Corollary to the Rule of Urinals:

When a big government is planning to lay off employees and cut salaries, but still pays big money to buy new fancy toilets, it is OK to pee on the damn thing.

I feel like I'm being a naughty little puppy. *woof woof rawr*

LISTENING TO: Love is Colder Than Death Teignmouth

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