2003-03-28 - 2:19 p.m.

Call me E.V.I.L.

Second entry for today, but I only post a few times a week anyways.

Today I'll give you insight to the thoughts that are constantly circulating through my head (and consequently out of my mouth ... that is right, you can bet that if I've thought it, I've probably also said it).

Monkey Bars

You know you want them. I know I do! I want monkey bars hanging from the ceiling in our hallways and the big rooms. My office is an individual room. Don't ask how I got it, because I don't know. But focus on the monkey bars!

You could move around the office without using your legs! Just how cool is that! And we'd get super upper body strength in the process! Cool, huh?

Now I'm missing when I was a kid and would either use the monkey bars (children are like little monkeys ... we even had lightsabre duels while peeing) or go outside on the chip-up bar my dad made me. Things are meant to be swung on, why can't adults see that?

Missing VIN

One of the more creative co-workers around here has an E.V.I.L. plan to use an entire city to celebrate his son's fifth birthday! Unfortunately his wife (why are women devoid of adventure) nixed the plan.

The plan went like this. He'd restore this old rusty 1927 Ford Pickup he owns. Then he'd hire some high school kids and blow up 1,000 helium balloons. They he'd put out an ad in the Davis Enterprise saying, "You are invited to attend [CENSORED]'s 5th birthday." The time and date would correspond with Davis's annual Picnic Day festivities. Then while he was driving in the parade, he'd start handing out the balloons that would read, "[CENSORED]'s 5th Birthday!" Essentially it would be like hijacking a holiday. Wait, it is EXACTLY hijacking a holiday.

**drool**

Anyway, he is afraid not of angering his wife if he does this, but getting arrested. His truck doesn't have registration, and in order to get it, he needs to find its VIN. Older vehicles have a Vehicle Identification Number located both on a plate riveted to inside of the door and on either the firewall or fender near the engine.

But I told him, "Why bother?" I suggested he just steal a license plate and cover it in so much mud that nobody would notice. My co-workers were a bit taken back by me suggesting petty theft. But seriously, it would be easy to get away with.

When was the last time you looked at a license plate and thought, "Gee, I wonder if that plate is stolen." I bet you never have (though I'm hoping you will now start to wonder). I do. That is the odd world I live in. When I see something out of place, I do honestly wonder ... "are they trying to fake me out".

-=-

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