2002-07-30 - 12:16 p.m.

Drinking while Dancing

I'm not a big drinker, but I was kinda pressuring Redwood to drink on what was his birthday. But he really seems to hate it, or more appropriate really did not want to get drunk. Normally I respect and understand that, but I just didn't want him to have a bad 30th birthday. I hope I didn't spoil it.

I finally got to meet another diarylander in person, fallensloth. What can I say but he was really cool, and I just regret I didn't get to talk to him more. In time I'm sure I will, but there were people there I needed to bug or needed to bug me since I'd not been to DeathGuild since Feb. (before all this started).

Unfortunately Minmei was there, interestingly with the guy who's girlfriend guested me to the club from Saturday night. I don't know, that makes me even more uncomfortable that a girl who I like and I think likes me is maybe dating somebody who has an on again off again relationship with Minmei. Why? I don't want to be near her.

It was OK with her being there during the night, but seeing that she was the one who taught me where to park for that club, it sucked that when I got back to my car that she was there with her boy (not the DJ and not the guy I knew as her boyfriends before).

Actually seeing her meant I didn't have nightmares about her last night, but I did think about her. The thing that hurts me the most is knowing that I did love somebody who didn't care about me. She seemed totally happy and while I was loading the guys into my Mustang, she was laughing and joking with the guy. It was last night that I reaffirmed that she did treat me differently than the rest of her boyfriends and I still think to this day that she used me. Her other boyfriends driver her car, but for me we'd go in mine and she'd bitch about my driving. A lot. When we'd go clubbing she'd dance, and hang out with other people. When she is with another guy, they are couple-like and spend the night talking and not dancing. And yeah, I'm still bitter that what was a serious illness she didn't care about. Shells and Raccoon (Raccoon is a girl that I've never even physically seeing, just a true friend who lives far away) came up for movies and brought food. Lashes was constantly calling. And a few other women were emailing.

At the club tons of people were please to see me. Women would say how great it was that I'm back, and were very sincere. Guys would either do the same, or in the case of a few of the rivetkids, they'd tackle me and scream, "Dude, you're back!" or "YES! Another rivethead." It is odd that how you dance can win you instant friends. Maybe it doesn't, but this much is certain, I have a blast with stompy kids and they enjoy my presence on the floor too.

I know now that I deserved better than Minmei, and seeing that others are happy to see me back and that she is "over" me makes it clear (though not easy) that it really was a wrong relationship. I hate saying that, but I just have to keep in mind that it was just one relationship that went bad. This doesn't mean women are evil, but sadly I like to keep them emotionally distant, as I don't want to feel this way again.

LISTENING TO: Soil & Eclipse Necromancy

-=-

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