2002-05-02 - 9:58 a.m.

Layers

Despite my current health problems I've also been very worried about my grandmother. She�s always claimed we are linked because our birthdays are close. She and my late grandfather also used to tell me in confidence that I remind them of my mother. This makes sense, as my mom is the more emotional of my parents, and also the one who approaches life through her heart instead of her head. (Both methods have their ups and downs.)

Anyway, she has been in the hospital on and off since the beginning of March. I�m not religious at all, but it is interesting to note that her health is worse off than my own, yet she has been spending her energy asking my mom about me. She and her friends have been praying for my health, when I think she should be focusing on herself. There is something telling about that.

I've told my mom many times that I wish Grandma was around right now to fight my battles. I know how she handles doctors. She asks all the right questions, but if they start to be rude she'll call them out.

The most interesting thing I've heard from my mom about her talks with Grandma is that they are convinced I'm going to have a new layer now. They are right. I knew that Cricket and others with chronic pain were in pain, but I didn�t realize how strong they were before now. I like to think that I'll walk away from this soon, but I'm certain that when I do that I'm going to be a better person because of this experience.

How Do I Feel Today?

So I've spent half a week writing about a week ago. After seeing the doctor and taking those long hot baths while drinking Extra-Sleeping Time tea and wearing the jock strap during the day, I'm feeling better than last week. I'm not ready to travel to Europe and teach those electro kids how to dance to their music, but I've actually started walking more. I'm smiling again. It sucks that the doctor was telling me 6 to 18 months, but I'm beginning to think I can still do stuff in a month or so.

LISTENING TO: Decoded Feedback Mechanical Horizon

-=-

<< previous - next >>