2002-04-18 - 11:10 a.m.

Ice Pack

Yesterday I phoned Kaiser to get another appointment with my doctor about the same old problem. He had his nurse / assistant phone back saying there wasn't anything he could do and would rather I wait another week until I can see the urologist. I�m becoming very disappointed in the way Kaiser is handling this. I'm in extreme pain, and yet they made me wait a month to see the one person who might be able to help me. That is wrong.

I am considering writing a letter of complaint, but I'd be happier if they just do what they are paid to do � help me when I'm ill. But they aren't doing that.

Last night it was so bad that I risked putting on ice pack on my balls. I was shocked, it felt good. I shrunk, but felt good for the 30 minutes I left it on. I was cold as fuck, but I wasn't in as much pain.

The drugs aren't working, so when I see that specialist I'm going to demand that they either find a proactive and quick cure, consider surgery, or pay for me to see somebody who can help me. They should have sent me to the specialist immediately. To tell somebody they will be better in a few days when the pain lasts months is wrong. It is unprofessional and worse, it is cruel.

Now it is likely that I'll either has to postpone my trip to the Netherlands or I may not be able to go at all. My life has been reduced to reading engineer�s reports (which engineers have got to have some of the worst eye�s for making an attractive report or memo � they generally can't write worth squat) and sleeping, when I'm not crying.

Chronic pain is terrible. Worse, people see me limping down the hall don't know that I'm in pain, and some of the assholes will stand in my way when I'm trying to walk slowly. When I was a fast walker, slow walkers were people you said hi to and moved around. You never stopped in front of them and gave them dirty looks for blocking your path. I've never really wanted to hit people before, but now I do want to reach out and start slapping people. My arms are still perfectly good, and my aim fair enough. I'm cranky, but too many people live in their own worlds and some of them need their own testicles twisted in a knot � maybe they'd start to leave other people alone.

LISTENING TO: In Strict Confidence Face the Fear

-=-

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