2001-12-10 - 9:58 a.m.

Heartbroken?

After Thursday's VNV show, I wasn't too eager to go out. I could have gone dancing in Sacramento, but I was tired. Saturday night there was another show, Pigface, but I've listened to a few of their songs on compilations and didn't care for them at all. There also is a drama factor hanging over me :: Spring.

She and the guy she broke up with me for (a DJ who I thought was my friend) go to just about every show. And while at the shows they are all over each other. She claims he isn't her boyfriend, but physically you can't separate the two of them.

No, I have no respect for either of them.

What bothers me more is when Spring sent me that 10 page note, which I don't want to talk to her about, she claimed that she was heartbroken over our break up.

I don't want to continue the cycle, so I've stopped talking to her. Completely now. But I also want the feeling of closure that I feel will help me move on. I'll spend the next week addressing some of her statements.

[Spring],

I don't understand how you can saw you are heartbroken or had any affections for me, when the truth is the few times I was down in the Bay Area, you would either talk about Mixer or you would be following him around or making out with him right in front of me. You never did that with me in front of anybody. The truth is that if you ignore somebody, like you did to me, eventually they will go away. The truth is that if you tell somebody you love them, they are going to expect you to actually display some of that love for them.

You said I meant more to you than Mixer does. Then why did you throw away our relationship so you could spend time with somebody you see several times a week? And why do you expect me to believe I was important to you, when you really only showed an interest in him?

I honestly deserve better than you. If you are now heartbroken, then it makes me feel a bit sad and happy. I'm sad that only now do you realize that I am a nice guy and that you basically drove me away. I'm happy that you I'm at least interesting enough for even you to realize this.

I warned you that this was going to happen, but as usual you didn't respect my opinion. You took me for granted, and as my friends are quick to point out, many other women are being patient with me and have noticed the things in me you totally took for granted.

I have one last piece of advice for you. When I was 18, my 28-year old college roommate told me that any woman that would leave a man to be with you, will leave you just as soon as somebody else new walks by. When I see you at clubs with your most recent boyfriends (and you seem to have two going any given month), I now understand what he was talking about. I no longer see the woman I once loved and respected. I now see a human who uses people.

-[Contour]

I honestly hope she reads this. She really is a terrible person. It would be so much easier to let go if she didn't play wounded to all her friends. I for one don't believe she is hurt, because she never really showed an interest in me when I was there. She is really like a child, who only misses something when she fears it is lost.

It is mean of me to say this, but it is the truth.

LISTENING TO: VNV Nation Darkangel single

-=-

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