2001-10-14 - 12:50 a.m.

Twisted Testicle

Our plans for Friday night got changed. Originally Redwood and I were going to head down to the Bay Area to visit a club called House of Vodoo. The club plays older school goth, some deathrock (which I don't care for), and more guitar based industrial. Why they are doing a Front Line Assembly record release party I don't know, but it is enough to bring me there.

The venue, a place called Big Heart City -- though from the street it looks like Big eart City, double booked two clubs for the same night. Naturally the g/i club gets the axe, so with no Front Line Assembly insentive, we went to Sanctuary for the Faith and the Muse record release party. Um, they hardly played any Faith and the Muse.

Big Guys Finish First

Redwood was on the floor all night ... typical for him. But I had to keep myself from laughing when he fell over at one point. I never realize how big he is unless: (1) he is trying to squeeze into my Mustang, or (2) he is falling down in the slow motion. When a short guy like me falls (it never happens ... I have cat like reflexes) in theory the trip down would be fast. But it literally was like watching a felled tree.

Redwood was actually graceful in getting up. At first I was worried, but he didn't swear or grimace, so I felt pretty sure that only his pride was injured. He was on the floor a few songs later and I couldn't notice any change.

An hour later they gave away CDs and posters for the new Faith and the Muse release. Of course Redwood won! :) The last give away that was out had me and another of my friends winning. Redwood gave me the poster, because I actually hang posters and bumber stickers on my Goth Wall.

Torsion

To most males this word has no meaning. To me, unfortunately it does. My junior year in college I was drinking 4 liters of Mountain Dew a night in order to stay up long enough to finish my work. Anybody who says that college is easy are not engineering students. I had three 20-30 page lab reports due each week that year!!! In fact, it bugs me when non-engineering students complain how hard school is, yet they party Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. I was lucky to spend Friday night watching the X-Files with my friends.

Anyway, while playing softball one day a throw at home plate ended up catching me between my legs. SMACK Mmmm Hmmm, the guys had to carry me back to the dorm that day. :( It turned out that I ended up waking up in the middle of the night screaming and when my roommate asked me what was up, I could only scream and point at my balls. Apparently my testicles were twisted inside the sac ... the pain just does not compare to anything I have experienced ever before.

I ended up hospitaled and was diagnosed with partial testicular torsion. To this day I hate the fucking word and just hearing it makes me grab my balls. I was one some serious pain killer ... horse pills. When I would take them, I lost the ability to move. Completely!

The guys in the dorm were wonderful actually, as they rearranged my room for me so I could get places easier and they helped me around for the month after I was released from the hospital. I hated feeling so helpless, but I was still in constant pain. And I was seeing a urologist, who said there wasn't anything they could do immediately.

It turns out that my balls fixed themselves. But it wasn't until this year that I found out what the problem was. Apparently when I was a kid and saw my dad naked I was ruined! He is huge. My kid brother is pretty big too. I'm smaller than them, so all my life I though my dick and balls were modest. I had assumed that the accident just made my balls bigger. While the truth is that my balls were in the accident because they were already huge.

It turns out (based on the women I've been with ... and from what the few guys who have seen me nude have to say) that I'm oversized. In english ... my dick is larger than it should be for a short guy like me. Apparently I'm not small, but I was comparing myself with porn actors and other Polish men. *hehehehe*

Anyway, Friday night while dancing there was one point during some EBM song that I twisted and went one direction and my testicles went another. Most guys don't have this problem, but I actually have to wear very tight underwear or one of two things will happen: (1) my balls will bounce around and travel too much in my pants, or (2) if I make a sudden move at the waist -- I may twist my testicles.

It sounds funny, but it isn't really. I just normally wear black bikini briefs. Most people say boxers are sexy. Fuck that. I've found that they cause me serious medical problems. I'll wear them from time to time, but you'd better believe that I'm completely inactive while wearing them.

-=-

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