2001-09-30 - 10:11 p.m.

Broken Cars / Condoms

Thursday afternoon I noticed a ticket on my "abandoned" second car. December of 1999 my '67 Cougar bit the dust. I still don't know exactly what had happened, but it wasn't an instant failure. I was taking care of Redwood's kittens while he and Gypsy were down in Southern California, when my car started backfiring. Over the course of just one week, it got so bad that the Cougar wouldn't drive over 20 mph.

I retired it and bought my '00 Mustang a month later.

Since that time, I've not really found the time and energy to fix my Cougar. For two years it has been sitting around on the streets near my apartment collecting dust. A few times I'd start the car to keep the battery and mechanical system good. Right before Cricket came out this month I tried to start my car after a 6 month hiatus, and no good. It was truely dead.

Thursday's ticket was a notice from the city that if I couldn't move my car (pushing it down the block doesn't count ... the ticket said that) they'd tow it. I have no idea how much the fees associated with having my car towed would be, but hey it has got to suck no matter what.

With my weekend plans being dedicated to working on my car (something I just hate doing in the heat), I picked up Redwood (whos own car got fucked up when a deer jumped out in front of him last week and smashed his hood) and went to Sanctuary.

Bad Drama

Anybody who has accused me of being a drama queen really has no idea just how bad other people can be. Crimson spent the middle of last week with a close friend of hers whom always was a former boyfriend. Well, Thursday and Friday she sent emails telling me how he was pushing her and touching her while she slept. It was the type of thing she didn't approve of. I had a feeling things were going bad, but when she and her ex arrived at Sanctuary neither of them would barely look at me.

If I walked to talk to them, they'd both leave. At one point during the night when her ex was smoking outside, she took me aside and wanted to talk. First order of business, could she crash at my place. Yes, but I told her that I had to have my car running by Thursday so I couldn't do fun things on Saturday at all. Second order ... interrupted. Anytime you try to talk about serious stuff at a club, people seem to find you interesting. Even mostly strangers will start talking to you. ::sigh::

Eventually after only minor drama directed at me, I took Crimson home with me ... her ex didn't like that. She had been assuring him that he really had no reason to be jealous. Well, it depends what he was jealous about.

Condoms Are Not Full Proof

I've already decided after my last failed relationship that I don't want to be in another relationship any time soon. I've been telling Crimson that there is no way on this world that I want to do the things to her that my ex did to me. At my apartment I set up a second bed for her, but Crimson really didn't want that.

I wasn't sure, still am not sure, if having a physical relationship with her was wise. I hate to see her cry and I am incredibly attracted to her ... but I'd much rather have sex on a basis where everybody is happy and OK.

We ended up having sex, and it actually was phenominal (I was pretty sure it would be). Only once before in my life have I organismed while fucking ... well, this time was even better than that. I held out long, but not long enough to get her going first (which is something guys should at least aspire to frequently).

Before this weekend I honestly believed that masterbating was more satisfying than actually having sex. I was wrong.

The Break

So when I was taking my condom off, I noticed it broke! =(

Basically this made me really upset ... so upset I started shaking! I honestly believed that they were very nearly full proof. It wasn't just a little tear either, the entire thing tore.

Now I know for a fact that when I put it on and entered her that it was fine. But sometime between entering and turning on the light in the bathroom to remove the condom something happened.

I am not worried about getting anything from Crimson, as she was tested in August. There is a small risk that I could have contracted genital herpes from one of my flings in July, but again I used condoms and I didn't know of any problems. I warned Crimson about this before this weekend and stressed to her over and over again that I would rather wait until I was tested (STD tests for males suck ... think about sticking a glass rod up your dick ... right, not fun). But she was willing to take the same risk I did months ago.

What bothered me was I'm not ready to have children. Normally I'm not a messy guy, and I would be surprised if something came of this. However, the next time I put on a condom I'm going to be worried about it breaking. I could use two, but is that possible? Obviously I'm going to have to start masterbating with the damn things just to get a much better feel for what the true risks of using them are. :(

Car Fixed

Well kind of. Saturday I drove to the bank, fed Crimson, went to Sears to buy a new battery for my car, and then spent the rest of the afternoon juggling her drama with her ex (they were talking via-email and things were getting worse) and getting my car running. About the only good thing to come of the afternoon was I got my car running at least well enough to ride the brake and fly into a parking space in my apartment complex. While working in the 95 F temperatures and under the bright sun two people came by and asked me if I was interested in selling my car.

I am, but I'd like to get it running. There is more story there that will have to wait for tomorrow.

LISTENING TO: Love is Colder Than Death's Oxeia

-=-

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