2001-06-07 - 8:02 p.m.

Hard Core Play Party

I hate it when things go so fast that you have to schedule time to just go and pee. So I'm apologizing for not talking about Saturday sooner.

My domme had asked me if I'd like to attend a hard core fetish play party last Saturday. Interestingly there was a charge for the party to cover the expense of things like the toys, medical supplies (yup, medical supplies), and food -- $20.

While I'm all for play parties, I've actually been to very few. Basically if you are a male and have even modestly picky tastes in play partners, if you don't have a partner before going to something like this, they are boring. Since I didn't want to pay $20, which is too much IMHO, I ended up working the door and reading safe sex / safe BDSM rules to everybody wanting to play.

Now the group hosting this party had a wonderful dungeon. It was stocked with some great and serious toys. I've bottomed tons on St. Andrew's Crosses and though I wasn't chained up to one on Saturday, I could tell by looking at them and watching the scenes going on that these crosses were build for something more than tickling people.

Now Spinning: Best of New Order

Tickling People

OK, I'm a sensationalist and into domination play. I actually hate serious beatens or anything where I feel pain. But haven't to place your trust in somebody or being tickled is so wonderful. OK, I also love temperature play too .... mmmm candles (yup, even shoved up the butt). :9

But the people at this party were mostly over 40 years old and most certainly not gothic or industrial. I felt a bit out of place. The guy subs were more than willing to have huge weights tied to their balls and then have some women beat them and beat them hard. When I was in the break room a few of the dommes were bragging about how much they like to beat people.

No big deal, I wasn't finding myself sexually attracted to anybody there, so I didn't want to play anyways. I know that I wrote not long ago that BDSM isn't always about sex. In fact, plenty of people have sex without BDSM and a few play without sex (I'm one of them ... I've had only one scene where intercourse was involved).

But what was really weird was this older woman whom I really wasn't interested in was hitting on me. OK, sounds like wishful thinking right? Nope, I wanted to leave and so when I had the first chance I ran off to another room to get a new "job". The woman was talking about nudist camps and how they hate electronic music. Hate electronic music?

And she wonders why I left. Telling me you hate electronic music or don't want to watch Star Wars or some other good SciFi film or that you don't like ghosts is like flicking a big OFF switch. The woman talked about how her normal partner wasn't around and so she could have intercourse tonight if she had a play partner. Then she started asking me about a friend (just friend) I was there with.

Sex Promise

In my last relationship I agreed that I wouldn't have any intercourse with anybody unless that had recently had an STD test. Good idea. Now on Saturday if I wanted to have sex with somebody it would have been in the way. I don't feel like I'm held to that agreement anymore, but I also recognize that it is what safe sex is about.

I guess I'm really in the best position. If I really feel like having sex on the spot with a mostly stranger, I can now. And I may. But I also know that I have problems about performing in front of strangers, so it isn't like that will happen. And for those women I'm not interested in it provides a nice way to say, "not right now".

Other People Fucking

So there was at least two couples who engaged in oral and vaginal sex while playing. That was actually nice to see. The normal fetish club I go to has a no intercourse, no nudity rule. I'm sorry, but part of feeling vunerable is having your clothes taken off. It isn't sex, but having a domme flick your dick at times makes you very aware who is in control.

On the subject of clothes, I like being naked, but not for why most people would think. It isn't that I appreciate my body. I don't actually, not that it is bad ... I just don't find men attractive and I know I am one. But a big party of playing is submitting to somebody else and having my clothes taken off really sets my mind right. The words "strip now" aren't nearly as powerful as a hand reaching down and ripping your pants off.

I noticed that most of the people playing arranged before hand, but apparently not everybody or else that one woman would not have politely asked me. She wasn't direct about it, and was polite. No compliants, but I've decided that I'll be less likely to go to play parties without a partner.

There was one time when I was put on the spot and asked to play with a girl I know whom I don't find that attractive. She is nice and I played with her ... it wasn't bad at all. I just didn't like how I was put on the spot. I didn't want to refuse and hurt her feelings, but at the same time my heart just wasn't into it. Not a big deal, but I'll just make a point to find other things to do if I don't have prenegotiated scenes. I should stress, it really isn't a big deal. I didn't like being put on the spot, but I also think everything turned out great. Funny how that works sometimes. You get pushed a bit, and if you keep an open mind, things aren't bad. Sometimes they are good!

Blue Velvet

So last night a certain girl and her dog came up to visit me. :) We watched Blue Velvet! What a great film. Oh there are better films, and the ending was a bit too happy for me. But that may be the point of the film. Otherwise it did feel a lot like Twin Peaks. The acting was incredible. While the film seemed kinda long, I'd watch it again. Go rent it!

Interview Blues

Tomorrow I have the interview for that job in the East Bay. While working on my resume this week and preparing everything I realized that for the work I do, I am under paid. OK, I work in a progressive work place. But three more things happened this week that really are rubbing me the wrong way.

First, the Network crashed on Monday and I couldn't do any work. My PC was locked up for 15 minute intervals. How annoying.

Second, I got a slap on the wrist because I followed the chain of command and one of the Supervising Engineers apparently wanted to exercise some power. Here is what happened. A few weeks ago I was sent some papers from my boss's boss to edit and prepare into the annual report I write for my research group every year (I'm the editor). After formating the papers to fit the report format I created, I then contacted the author's both of whom work for another engineer that I finished their papers. One of these engineers is a "lead person", which means technically engineers like me report to him. Think of me like a Lt. and him like a Col. OK, so I asked them to look at their papers.

They did. No problems. Tuesday I got an email from my boss's boss that was originally from this other boss's boss. Apparently the other boss's boss was pissed off that he was left out of the loop. First I'd be out of line to tell an engineer above me (remember think Lt. ordering a Col.) to ask permission from his boss. Second the other boss's boss's boss is my boss's boss's boss. Think of head of the Dept. of Defense (it doesn't get that much higher). Anyway, that boss-boss-boss engineer knew that I was doing this. So the other guy wasn't out of the loop.

So my boss's boss called me in and told me I did everything right. Exactly right. But that basically this other guy was a big cry baby and wanted to have more control. Fine, I agreed to just email him more often. :p I wasn't rude about it, but I will say this, I lost any respect I had for the guy now. It is just such a stupid game and I'm tired of playing it.

Third reason for bad week this week. I finished a draft version of my year long pet research project. If I wasn't rushed I'd have a paper of such good quality that I could get it easily published. I've been one of the principle investigators of a forecasting system. Hmmm, I like the sound of that. I've invented a forecasting system! :) This is what I did in graduate school and I've learned so much. Anyway, two of the engineers in my group who sit around and sleep or fuck around on the internet during the entire day both started their papers well over a month than I did. In that time they've done nothing but bitch about how hard people are riding down on them, and yet in that time I've: (1) completed 2 forecast studies, (2) tutored and installed the same forecast system on another engineers' PC, (3) edited and reviewed 7 other technical papers and created abstracts for 8 of the 12 I need to publish this month, (4) I've created 2 15-20 minute long power point engineering presentations, (5) I presented one of these presentations, (6) I've collected all the presentations from every engineer who would give me there work and started a a respository of these thigns, (7) begun interviewing for a new job ... but mostly on my own time, etc. What did these guys do in that time? Nothing. Seriously! They are paid just as much as I am but jack off all day long. :(

So if I get that job in the East Bay when I leave I'm going to say that while I loved what I did, it bothered me that these two engineers whine about how hard their lives are and get promoted at the same rate, but really aren't producing measureable results! Apparently state service is also welfare.

But tomorrow I have to focus on positive things. I want to live in the Bay Area. While I am respected by engineers above me (and lots of senior and higher level engineers work well with me), I'm tired of working harder because other guys don't really have a work ethic. It isn't about being a work miser, but it is all about not liking it when people abuse the system.

-=-

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