2001-04-29 - 11:20 a.m.

A Ghost From My Past

I thought yesterday would be mostly spent just killing some time and relaxing, then heading to Shrine (unfortunately with some expectations there as well). But I had a pleasant surprise when a ghost from my past showed back in my life.

I was just sitting at home, when my father said I had a visitor. At first I thought Spring might have driven out ... silly thought.

It turned out that it was Bane! I just could not believe it. He lives in Marin County, about 1 hour from here, but decided to drive in and just catch up.

I so much needed this. I feel like I lost one best friend, and it is so nice that after a year of no contact for Bane to suddenly appear. His timing was perfect, though completely by accident.

He had not seen me without a beard nor with blue hair, but he didn't show any shock. In fact, of all the people from Texas I know, he probably really liked my hair. Afterall, he had maroon hair back in high school.

We caught up and then he joined my family to celebrate my mother's birthday ... pizza.

I can't say how good it is to know that I was happy to see him. And it is good to hear all is well with him. He usually works weekends, but was curious what was up with us. Apparently back in August he once drove on a Saturday to my apartment and saw my car and knocked at my door, but I apparently didn't hear him.

I still can't get Spring out of my mind. It hurts me so much to know that I did fall in love with her, but it just isn't something she could return to me. I think I always will feel as though she never gave our relationship a chance. She claims she did, but she pushed me the hardest when we were actually going out. She believes we never would have worked through our problems, and yet how can she know that? My question to her is, if you were never willing to give our relationship / love a chance, why should I be asked to one day give our friendship a chance? Why should I always be made to feel jealous and why should I be told this is such a rotten thing.

In those last emails, I'm still hurt. I don't appreciate how she can tell me the problem was mine alone. Yes, I am jealous. Nobody likes that. But it is a feeling that never needed to be slapped in my face. And breaking up with me over it, well ... it is history now.

Shrine is Dying

So I went to Shrine last night. It is strange to go to a club alone. Only a small handful of "club friends" (these are people you talk to at clubs, but never spend private time with), were there. They were all staff. Nobody else was there that I knew.

Unfortunately I was hoping that Cyber-Girl would have been there. She wasn't, which I didn't realize just how much fun I had talking to her and dancing with the night before. I guess she had other plans. My real regret is that I didn't just give her my email on Friday night.

Jr. High

However, the club owner, Shirtless, did go up to me and point out the girl he has been wanting me to meet. It turns out she is a staff member at Shrine. He suggested I talk to her, and has been talking about her since Thursday, so I decided to talk to her.

She turned out to be very nice, and we chatted for a while. It is really nice to know that you have admirers, but it is annoying that they, like yourself, are afraid to talk to you unless you talk to them.

When I left she gave me her email, so I'll go ahead and email her. Hahaha, she thought I was 26. I get that a lot.

Right now, I don't have any expectations. It is hard knowing that when you go to a club you may or may not have people to talk to or friends to share the experience with. And while Fridays I could go to Sanctuary in Sacto, there is still a small expectation in me that wants to go to Assimilate.

Wait, I do have one expectation. Bane obviously made a huge effort to come here yesterday. Soon his girlfriend will be in town, but I'll make a point to keep in touch with them.

-=-

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