2001-03-27 - 11:31 a.m.

My ISP Problems

Last night before leaving work I managed to write down the local access numbers in Davis/Woodland. Apparently Mindspring/Earthlink changed my access number without telling me. Dorks! I don't know how they figured I could get online to find this information, because I assumed the problem was something else. I have my home email again, and only had to scan some 470 messages ... so if I forget to respond to people it is because you got lost in the volume.

Ebay

I've been slowly selling my old junk. Some of it actually has value. Some beat to hell and back Battlestar Gallatica figures went for $22. I treated myself to more CDs: Depeche Mode's Music for the Masses and an Deine Lakaien's self titled album. The guy working at the CD store asked me were my girlfriend was ... ouch. I told me we broke up, and he was actually very kind.

Spring Break

It is Spring Break in Davis. My favorite time, as all the students are gone. Last night I essentially had the town to myself, and the CD store just seems at home. Funny, but it is kinda like I feel as if I'm a special customer there ... I feel very comfortable there.

This morning I went to the Post Office to mail off two ebay packages, send in some bills, and pick up a package from Cricket! :) I've been so hard on myself lately, but it is nice that Cricket's package came now. And yesterday Redwood found a Baby Bat Gayla kite for me. If it is windy this weekend I might talk Firebug into going kite flying ... or if I stay up here, I'll drag somebody.

Therapy

So after running some morning errands I went to Kaiser to see my therapist. She is kind, but direct too. She kept our converstation moving: I touched upon being poly, music and why it is important to me, work stress, my recent break up, physical intimacy issues, sexual harassment in the work place from last year, and then the real reason ... molestation. We've set an appointment for 3 weeks from now and I need to contact three different groups.

One of them I'm still thinking about, but she suggested I go to assertativeness training / workshops. Kaiser offers them, and apparently she said that it sounded like as a child I never learned how to assert myself.

I found myself talking about Spring a lot, and I'm sad that things have been so negative lately. I can't help but think that if I had gone into therapy earlier things would be better.

About relationships, my Doctor asked me what I was looking for in a relationship. She asked several times, and we found out that I wanted emotional support. I wanted somebody I felt safe with, somebody beyond a friend, and whom I felt we could trade off looking out for each other. Somebody whom at times would put her physical or emotional needs asside for my own, and somebody whom I would do the same with.

She asked me why I fell in love, what I saw and if it was still there.

It is funny how much you can cram into 30 minutes.

I also did some interesting reading about snoring while I was waiting. I have a condition called sleep apena. Basically I do stop breathing in my sleep. It turns out that the condition is linked to snoring. Or better stated, sevre snoring is a symptom of sleep apena (not the other way around).

It happens to me when I'm in a room with little air flow or animal hair. But apparently stress is also a factor. The interesting solution is to not fall asleep immediately after working out and to let your partners fall asleep first. I was very surprised to see several pages deciated to the subject.

-=-

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